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THE L Word Lexicon
First of all, I'd like to extend thanks to TLW and the posters on the TVWoP site for establishing "you big gaymo" as my official term of endearment for, oh, everyone, including my dogs (luckily dogs respond to whatever you call them as long as you use the right tone).

In light of this, and the collective wit and hysterical ingeniousness that typifies the TVWoP forum (which consistently reduces me to fits of giggles and causes me to choke on/spit out whatever food or drink I may be ingesting at the time), I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of sorts. An L Word buzzword/catchphase glossary if you will, so that we may all better incorporate these words into our everyday vocabulary.

The terms are both ones that are used specifically on the L Word by the Characters.
and freelanced creations (mostly from the bloody geniuses at the TWoP site).  This lexicon is meant to be a fun nod to our favorite gaymo show, and should not be taken seriously in any way...seriously.


OK. Thesis is done.  I have my life back.  My full attention can again be directed towards The L Word, where it belongs.  The site will be fully updated in time for (sob!) the season finale.  And in the hiatus?  God, I can't even think about it. 



Lenored:
 
falling victim to the narcisstic, attention-grubbing machinations of a washed-up, but still remarkably hot, older woman.
Alice to Shane (after she was hit on by Alice's mother): I'm sorry you got Lenored.

Hub: one who is the sapphic nexus for lesbians worldwide
Alice: You're a major hub. I mean, there's one other girl Mary O'Reilly who dated this lesbian porn star. She has a crazier matrix than you.

Embarassing Multiple Orgasms
: the worst thing that could happen to someone, second only to humilitating female ejaculation
Alice: (seeing Dana's despondent expression) What's with Mopey Pants? What is it, Dana, are you having embarassing multiple orgasms now?
 
Bwah! Why can't Alice be an actual real person(and madly in love with me. Sigh.--sasquatch)

Situation:  a good word to use when your not sure if you are on a date or not.  I also use this word when I don't know if I am dating the someone I happen to be spending a lot of time with.  For example, "We're not dating, it's more of a situation type thingy," is totally something I have been known to say.  Well, to be honest, I've never characterized any relationship I've ever been in as anything other than a situation.  So, I guess I've really never dated anyone either.  Just a series of disasterous situations.  Man, I am a sad, sad woman.
Al
ice: (to Tina's answering machine) Hey, it's Al. Um, Dana and Snookums said they were bringing you chow, so I'm gonna come over a little later, after my situation. That's what I like to call dinner when I have no idea whether it's a date or not. Allright, see ya.

I don't know if this guy has Tourette's or not
but I think I can fairly state that there's something
up with him.

Tourette's Syndrome: inherited, neurological disorder characterized by repeated and involuntary body movements (tics) and uncontrollable vocal sounds
Alice (leaving a voicemail for Shane):  your roommates are over here saying 'twat' like they have Tourette's syndrome.
                                              
                       Click here to read ----> TWAT: THE NIGHT -- A POEM 

Vaginal Rejuvination: Don't even want to think about what this consists of, but here's a twist for those of you at home
Alice's vagina just rejuvinated
itself...right...now

                           scribegrrltm


Has-bianan otherwise het woman who participated in a lesbian relationship at one point and time. Not to be confused with the woman who got drunk in my dorm room and proceeded to come on to me until...um, nevermind--sasquatch
Peggy: I was a lesbian in 1974.
Bette: Just 1974?
Peggy: Just 1974. That was all I needed.
Bette: Well, you know, that is what we refer to as a... has-bian.

Ozzie and Harrietdynamic gay/lesbian duo masquerading as hets to avoid outing themselves to geeky straight people.
Bette: Excuse me, Dana?  We really love you, but, it's not our cross to bear that you and Harrison have decided to masquerade as Ozzie and Harriet.  K?  Hee!
Cloak of Boring:  shrouds the general lameness of couples hopelessly addicted to domesticity, rendering them invisible to the tragically hip
I would spend the rest of my life under the cloak of boring with Jennifer Beals...seriously...I'm not kidding...fo shizzle
Bette: Here. Quick. Slip under my cloak of boringness. No one will even notice
we're gone.



Cris-pay!:
the new hotness
Shane: Fresh meat.
Alice: New blood.
Dana : Cris-pay!
Alice: Huh-uh.
 
Alice, marry me, puhlease--sasquatch.

Soup Chef: the clam chowder of divine hotness; derived from a hysterical malapropism by Dana.
Dana: She's, uh... she's the soup chef
Alice: A sous-chef?
Dana: Whuh?
Alice: Like an assistant chef?
Dana: Oh, yeah.
Alice: Sous-chef.
Dana: Yeah, yeah, that's totally what she is. Yeah.


 Disfigured: what one becomes when a small cut to the finger or a similar minor accident occurs as a result of being distracted by an insecure, but adorable, geek fumbling to ask you out (you thought it meant scarred, marred, ruined beyond repair, and before now you would have been right--sasquatch)
Lara: (cuts her finger) Ouch!
Dana: Oh, my god! Oh - oh, my god, I'm sorry, I ...
Lara: It's okay.
Dana: Ah, Jesus, you're disfigured!


Trisexual
:
one who is attracted to not just men and women, but also lesbian-identified men  I am going to go out on a limb and say that this word can also be interpreted as try-sexual, meaning someone who will have sex with anyone, anywhere, at any time.
Tina: (to Alice) I just want to know, are you into him as a lesbian, or a man?
Dana:  Maybe you should call yourself a trisexual?
Kit: Damn, what is it with you people and your need to take apart everything and process each little detail?   Yeah, what's up with that?  Don't these people have anything better to do with their time.  Losers.

Slander against cats:  this is apparently a sign of boringness, and definitely is deemed a carnal sin by those dwelling in the lesbian fold  I really got nothing here, but it is just too good not to include.  And, typing it made me giggle.
Dana (to Alice): Slander against cats.  Write that down.
Outdoorsy: The state of being out to the entire Planet but not to your homophobic, republican, conservative parents, who are about to find "out" in the biggest
possible way.
kooilitm
Dana: ... it means, uh... It's a marketing campaign for, uh, women. Who are like me. Who, uh... who are... out. Doorsy. Outside a lot.



Ms Owl How may licks does it take to
get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Dismantled: taken apart; disassembled; torn down; stripped of covering or clothing  (Didn't know that, but appropriate, Thank you dictionary.com)
Jenny: (to Marina) Everytime I look at you, I...I feel so completely dismantled. I completely identify, I get dismantled when I look at Marina too...and Alice, and Bette, and Shane...well any of them really, except for Jenny. Funny that. Shut up, Jenny

 Abraxas: A demon, well actually a minor demon, of lies and deceit (according to Jen-nay). I have extended the term to include all lies and the lying liars who tell them
Sasquatch: Dubya tried to deny that he was part of a secret syndicate called "The Abraxas of Evil," but sasquatch wasn't fooled because she watches ALIAS.
Twat:  Pandora's box;  the downfall of many a fine young lesbian or lesbian-to-be
Annette: Twat!
Jenny: No. No. Twat gets me into trouble. No more twat for me!
Or something like that, I need to look up the exact quote, but you get my drift, and honestly I have more pressing things to attend to at the moment.  And sadly, no, it's not twat.


ASSTASTIC!!!!!
As if. She has to actually speak first...Hey, I got one!

Big Coffee Drinker: Marina's euphemism (in my mind anyway) for dyke, lesbo, gay lady  velvet tipper, rug muncher, one who grooves to the Labian vibes, etc.
Jenny: No, you didn't upset me. I just, um... I came here to say that I'm not... I'm not...
Marina: A big coffee drinker?
  Bwah!

Parallel Universethe place where flights of fancies that just ain't gonna happen, can happen; a very, very harsh way to burst the bubble of denial that the woman who just gave up everything for you is currently residing in.  God, this scene is so harsh, I actually felt sorry for Jenny. What?  No, I'm not going soft, but damn, that was just cold.
Marina: Don't you wish there was a parallel universe?
Jenny: Parallel universe?
Marina: Yeah. Where we could live out this... fantasy.



Center of the Universe:
one who is completely comfortable with her sexual identity, knows what she wants (sex) and knows how to get it, and gets a LOT of it, in other words, a big slutty ho
Shane: Look at that, I'm the Center of the Universe.

The Heavenly Gates:  place of refuge for second class citizens everywhere. 
Kit:  If the dude wanna give up his white man rights to be a second-class citizen, then hey, welcome to our world.
Dana:  Okay, she's got a point. Cheers. Welcome to the fold.
Shane:  Welcome. Welcome to the heavenly gates. 
Let me just state here that I think that heavenly fold is a great euphemism for vagina. Don't you just love double entendre?
The New Male:
Views his wad as an extension of his inner being. Gross. Sperm is gross.  So is mayonnaise. 
Shane: Whereas the old male shot into any female without thinking about what would happen, the new male totally cares what becomes of his seed.
Queef:  Ok, Shane didn't make this word up, or attach any new meaning to it, but it reminded me of the time when I was at a slumber party in high school and the head cheerleader informed me she could queef on command, and proceeded to DEMONSTRATE. I was 1 part mortified, 2 parts amused, and 1 part titillated, an unsettling mixture which, no matter how you fractionate it, is very confusing to a 16 year old trying to figure out her sexual identity, wouldn't you agree?--sasquatch
                Which beast is it?
  Beast: either a really bad thing, or a really good thing.   I really have no idea on this one, I just like to say it.  But, if I must pick, I am going with really bad, based on subtle context clues provided by our lovely writers.
Ellie: (to Shane) What are you doing tomorrow night? Do you want to come to a screening of the new Steven Soderbergh film? Harry'll be there.
Shane: Yeah, um... sounds kind of beast, uh... but thank you.
Like I said, I don't know, you're going to have to make your own call on that one.  I can't always just spell these things out for you, dammit!
Tit: da bomb, the shiznit, the bee's knees, the cat's meow, radical, awesome, bodacious, bootylicious, off-the-chain;(shout out to spastic6)
(Antonym to Beast)
 See, you have two brand new contrasting words to integrate into your vocabulary courtesy of Shane.  One is very good, one is very bad.  You know I'm still not sure about Beast, but I am confident that Tit is good. How could it not be?Shane: Harry booked it, right? But it turns out he has to go out of town. So... there's a free bar... there are very sweet cocktail waitresses... hey, it could be tit, y'know?
Bette:  Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure it will be tit.



PoorTard: the mixage of the last names Porter and Kennard gone horribly, horribly wrong
Tina: Hey PoorTard, how's you're two mommies, you big gaymo?

Gaymo:
sasquatch's new term of endearment for her gay friends...and her dogs.
"C'mere, you big gaymo!"
Toxoplasmosis:  A congenital disease caused by the sporozoan Toxoplasma gondii, characterized by lesions of the central nervous system that can cause blindness and brain damage. Never, ever shall it be said that reading the Lexicon is not an educational or constructive way to spend your time!
Tina: Uh - Shane? Will you put that in the fridge? Cause leaving hot food out is what brings the bacteria to life.  And toxoplasmosis is one of the most prevalent causes of birth defects.

Please....
Continue------->

Coming soon...the L Word Lexicon Customer Service Survey...because we aim to pleasure...uh, I mean...please you.


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(L word pics from
www.crispysoupchef.com and are owned by Showtime and the Insane Cat Posse)